


Who's you're daddy

by HarveysHoe



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU, Bar, Being childish, Best Friends, But secretly applauds tony, Daddy Kink, Dare, Dating, Drabble, F/M, Funny, Issues, Kiddy tony, M/M, Maria saves him, Mommy Kink, Old steve is old, Picking up girls, Pretending, Steve rolls his eyes, Tony Being Tony, Tony Has Issues, Tony and maria are cute, Tony is worrying, Tony loves suits, Tony needs to stop accepting challanges, Weird, With his ego, Young, challenge, cute tony, not sex, squad goals, women
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 10:17:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5536166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarveysHoe/pseuds/HarveysHoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team - now known as the normal,  boring-bar-scene group of friends - stumble upon a subject on a Tuesday night in their local bar. </p><p>Tony takes it upon himself to make the subject a challenge </p><p>His challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who's you're daddy

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy. By the way, a note: they aren't famous. Just Normal people.

"She's infuriating!" 

Tony grins. "Sounds like somebody's  _jealous_ ," he winks at her. 

Natasha scoffs. "I'm not jealous. She's a joke, kidding on she's some dumb teenage girl- hey, Clint met her. Baby, tell them." She says, nudging his shoulder.   

Clint widens his eyes slightly and made a face. "Pssh, yeah," he says. " _So_ dumb," he nods. When Natasha gives him a look, he almost pouts, his chin doubling a little. "She made cookies," he mumbles. 

Steve frowns. "When did your meet her?" he asks. 

Natasha beats him to it: "He surprised me at work on Saturday," she smiles. Clint purses his lips and his girlfriend glares. "What are you hiding?" 

Clint bites his lip. "She came-" 

Tony snickers. "That's what he said," and Steve high fives him while pepper and natasha glare.

Clint grins at that and continues, "She came over to see you but you had yoga with pepper and she had cookies and then there was a spider," he pouts again. "And she was 'sca-wed'," he says in a childish voice, quoting Natasha's colleague. "It was sweet."

Natasha blinks. "How on Earth is that sweet?" She asks. Tony eyes up a girl enterring the bar and Clint shrugs; 

"It sounds cute."

Tony hums to himself. "Who's you're daddy," he mumbles quietly, eyes trailing the woman's ass. Pepper grimaces. 

"Ugh, don't say that," she shivers. 

Tony and Steve frown at her and Clint nods. "Yeah if you think about it, it sounds creepy..."

Steve scoffs, turns his head to Pepper. "Who's you're daddy?" he purrs. Tony squints. 

Natasha grimaces. "So, if you're her daddy then she's you're daughter-"  

Steve made a sound. "No! Not- that doesn't- the name 'daddy' just gives the idea of who's in charge..." he says, glancing at Clint. 

Tony giggles. "So when you guys have a kid is it gonna be you're grand-" he avoids the slap from the blonde man and turns it into a painful highfive instead.  

Natasha sighs. "Look, it's just impossible to pick someone up talking like a little girl or boy," she says.

Tony beams and stands, causing them all to look up at him. "Challenge accepted!" he exclaims, buttoning up his blazer. "I shall pick up a girl talking like a little boy!"

Natasha groans. "No, Tony that wasn't a Challenge-" but he's already up and away. As he approaches the bar, Maria walks to the table and takes his place. "What's-"

"Tony's got a new challenge to pick up a girl by talking like a little boy."  

Maria blinks. "That's most likely going to end up in," she shakes her head. 

"A sexual harassment lawsuit," they chorus. 

Meanwhile, Tony plays with his tie and trots up to a blonde at the bar. "I'm wost, can you help me find my mommy?" in which she gives him a worried look and turns her back on him. He sighs and walks up behind a brunette. "Hey, I've never pwayed with boobies before, can I pway wif' yours?" in which ended in a slap. 

One by one, he tried every lady sitting at the bar:

_"Missy, wanna have a thwee-way wif' me and my imaginary fwend- his name's Sam," in which ended in the girl walking away._

_"Hey, Hey," a tug on the sleeve. "Wanna' pway tewephone? I got the stwing, you got the cans,"_ and a gesture to her boobs as he giggles. A slap. 

"What do you mean she's 'sorta cute'?" Natasha quotes in a whiny voice.

Clint frowns. "I don't sound like that," he says. 

"Maybe not but Zoe does!"

"Her name's Zoe?" Clint asks.

Pepper flicks Steve's ear.  "You ask me who my Daddy is again and you're on the couch for the next month," she warns. 

After several attempts at other women, Tony stumbles back to their table. "I can't do it," he breaths. "No girl wants to even talk to me like this," he all but sobs. 

Maria laughs. "Can you blame them?" She mumbles. "Besides we really couldn't care less..." 

He sobs. "I'm sorry..." he whispers. "I let down the team."

"Tony-"

Tony pouts and stomps his foot. "All I wanna do it pway wif' boobies!" he cries, storming up to the bar. He tries it one last time and all but screams in a girl's face; "I wet my pants can you change me!?" in which she storms past him. He thought about that before agreeing. "Don't really blame her on that one." 

Hours later, Tony is at their table alone while Clint and Natasha talk to Zoe - about how she got stuck in a revolving door - and Steve and Pepper... Probably screw each others brains out trying to make babies. He sniffles and spoons some more of his chocolate and strawberry ice cream into his mouth. 

That's when a woman walks up to him and asks, "Can I have some of you're ice Cream?" She purrs seductively.  

Tony hugs his bowl closer and eats another spoonful. "No," he says in a huff. "S'my ice cream," he murmurs, his mouth full. 

The woman blinks before leaning in and whispering.  "Mommy doesn't have to sit you in time out does she?" She says in a strict tone. 

He grimaces- Then, Tony realises. 

His challenged has been...

Accomplished!

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave feedback :)


End file.
